Google Chat

I've noticed several people (some of which who I actually DID wanna get in touch with) have requested that I Google Chat with them. I'd like everyone (who hopefully is reading this) to know that if you request to Google Chat with me, I'm not ignoring you if I don't get back to you instantly or at all. There are two very good reasons why I hardly EVAH Google Chat:
1. Google isn't the most-advanced hardware in the Home Depot (that's called a metaphor, kiddies). I'm ALWAYS signed in to Google, unless I'm gone for a long vacation from home (which, unlucky for you, I rarely do). Which means that Google shows me as online, even if I'M NOT EVEN ON GOOGLE. That's right, kiddies: Google is LYING TO YOU. However, while I am rarely on Google, I am always on my e-mail (unless I'm not home, of course). So, if you would like to Google Chat me, e-mail me first so that I don't find out about it a week later. (My e-mail, which I have posted everywhere, is mythlover@comcast.net)
2. I have less knowledge of how to Google Chat than a chimpanzee in the Amazon which has never even seen or heard-of Google (and personally, Google Chat gives me nightmares). (That's right, kiddies. More metaphors.) Please bare with me on this: the first time I ever tried to Google Chat was when my cousin Ashley requested me to. So, I clicked that I would do it. Three hours later, and I was still on freakin' Step 1 on How to Google Chat. (One thing that still puzzles me is why Step 1 seemed to have about 30,496 sub-steps.) Most of these sub-steps included the same questions over and over: Do you have a Gmail? Why don't you have a Gmail? Sir, why are you rocking back and forth crying in fetal position (I've only asked you this 30,495 times)? So yeah, apparently Google wasn't satisfied that I had a Google account, but I apparently also had to have a Gmail. While I'm on (slightly) better terms with Google Chat now (I use it sometimes), I still kinda get nightmares about it. So please, gimme a break. I'm just a (not-so)little (adolescent)boy!
So, there's my explanation for why I'm not so great with Google Chat. Have a nice day.