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Urban Legend: What happens when you give Lil' Red the ax?
On my favorite comic strip ("No Rest For The Wicked"; It's online so don't bother searching the Newspapers for it) one of the characters is Red, the grown-up version of Little Red-Cap (You'll know her frilly Disney version, Little Red Riding Hood). My favorite thing about her is that she is so traumatized by the incident with the wolf that she goes around with an ax kicking the butt of any thing even remotely harmful that gets in her way. She's AWESOME!
Once I thought about it, the whole Red and Little Red-Cap faery tale reminded me of the urban legend:
The Hairy Armed Hitchhiker
Many variants of this urban legend exist, and the origins of it go all the way back to the days of horse and carriage. One Early American or Early English variant even goes to the length of a cabby who simply discovers a "female" passenger of his has 5 o'clock shadow. He pretends his hat has fallen and asks the "lady" to help him find it. When she gets out he closes her door and drives off. He only later discovers a pair of huge, bloody shears that had his name on them. Anyway, here it is. My version of the urban legend (with commentary in Italics)
A teenage girl leaves the mall, arms full with purchases. She is elated, having gotten that mall-buzz that girls get, and is mentally preparing for the lecture from her father for maxing out nearly all her credit cards...
Ah, happy youth.
...when a rather huge old woman approaches her, asking...
Wolf: Where all you going little Red?
...for a ride. The woman explains that she got turned around in the mall and sadly missed the next bus to her granddaughter's.
Is it me or did the last reader rip out a page of this fairy tale book so that we've suddenly been transported to the part when Lil' Red gets to Grandma's?
The teenager, realizing the woman is late for her granddaughter's birthday, and thinking the old lady is harmless enough, allows her to get in. As she opens the door she catches a glimpse of the lady's arms as the lady puts her rather large purse on the floor: The lady's arms are muscular and HAIRY!
Red: Grandma, what big eyes you have!
Scared, the girl begins to drive the call out of the night-darkened parking-lot, when she sees the lady reach into her purse. The girl puts on the brakes and says, "Oh my, I think my tail lights are, like, broken. Can you go check them while I flash them to see if they're all right?" As the lady gets out, the girl secretly calls the cops, and hangs up. She hopes the cops will expect danger and come to the rescue.
Red: Grandma, what big ears you have!
As the girl begins flashing her lights and she sees cop lights approaching, she locks the doors and speeds across the road, attracting the cops.
Red: Grandma, what big TEETH you have!!!
Wolf: The better to EAT you wi-... Hey, what're you doing with that ax?
She tells the cops to grab the old lady as she explains her story. She remmembers the lady's purse and opens it up. Inside are rope and a machete.
is a Christian and an (unpublished) author, (published) artist, and a (soon-to-be) actor. He's been writing since he was 8, and drawing since he was 3. He loves fantasy, and is creating The Classical Club (a graphic-novel series based on classic literature), LEGENDARY (a contemorary mythology book-series for teens), Grimm Happenings (a contemporary folklore series for teens), and The Time-Travelling Chronicles (TBA).
Hey there. Welcome to my blog. I'm just so happy you're here... I'd like to thank the little people. My mom, my dad, my friend Will, ... (4 hours later) ... the hobo who lives by the old graffiti-train-cars, the workers at Busch Gardens, my Kindergarten teacher, ... (5 hours l8r) ... and that monkey that kept trying to beat me with a banana that day at the zoo. Thank you.
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